Wasted Decisions!

We are nothing but a collection of our decisions.”

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What we are today is an outcome of our actions in the past. What we do today affects what we are in our future. Its not random. Its never random. Our decisions means something. Our future depends on it. I have just completed reading this book by khaled hosseini named “The kite runner“, one of his largest selling books. In the book the protagonist named Ali comes across a situation where his best friend was getting raped. All he had to do was stand up and fight for it. But his cowardice did not let him do it. His decision to stand there and let it all happen changed his future. He was never the same innocent Ali. After some years he comes across a situation where his father stands up for someone he had never even met and was ready to give his life for what’s right. It was in that moment that he realizes he was not qualified enough to be his father’s son and all his life has been a lie. He spends rest of his life with the ‘if only’ part. From then on his actions reflect his guilt in not helping his best friend and letting him go through the pain. Even though it was a novel but the fact that our actions not only influence our present but also forge our future is universally true.

 

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Sometimes our near future and sometimes our whole lives depend on what kind of person we are, what kind a person we want to be and who we want to be with. When I was 14 years old, I fell for this girl. She was beautiful. She would notice me noticing her each day and would smile when my eyes catch her eyes. After some months of befriending her and confirming from her friends that she liked me too, I proposed her. She refused and said that we were better as friends. Better as friends? I was not spending my whole day thinking about what to say to you and how to impress you just to be friends. After so much preparation and confirmation it hurt. I never talked to her after that. After about 15 months when I was about to leave school, she came to me and asked how was I? I replied I was all good and ready to start a new phase in my life. After an hour long conversation I came to know that she liked me too when I proposed to her but was startled when I asked her. She said that if I had tried to convince her some more she would have admitted her liking to me. My decision to not talk to her because she hurt my ego wasted my precious 15 months that I could have spent with her and that true love seemed possible

 With the above example I am not saying that those 15 months were miserable for me but it could have been even better and the way I wanted if I have not made the atrocious decision of ignoring her and never even looking at her once. I knew she noticed me even more after the proposal. Decisions!!

I have always believed there is no God. Some people say that they don’t believe in Bhagwaan,Allah or Christ but rather they believe that there is some power sitting up there controlling our miserable world. They are no different. Because if there was someone called god or the magician sitting in the sky, with all the misery and pain in the world he is not doing a very good job. That’s why I rather believe in Abraham Lincoln and his policies. I live everyday making decisions that are better equipped to hold on to my future just like Abraham Lincoln. I want my decisions to matter. 

After much thought I have come to this conclusion that people believe in God so that they can put the blame of their decisions on him.  Bhagat Singh, a freedom fighter of India who played an important role in pushing British empire out of the country, wrote a famous article before being hanged at the aged of 21 named “Why I am an atheist?“. He wrote that  “ I don’t think that strengthening my belief in God would bring improvement in my situation, nor can it deteriorate any further so I stand like a man taking the blame of all my decisions.”

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We have been praying God to save us from our miseries. But the fact is, we are looking for misery all around us so that we have a reason to pray tomorrow. It’s a simple case of addiction and wasted decisions.

I am no pessimist but just a realist who wants to look things as they are but not how they are shown to us. For the future I want for me, my family or my country, I will have to take some serious steps myself. However small but steps that determine their future. And I should be ready if it all falls apart.

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